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Top ten qualities women like in a Man

What personal qualities do men have that females are attracted to? Are you attracted to personality, honesty, being affectionate, playfulness, sociability, friendliness, kindness, politeness, etc? Of course you’re probably attracted to all of these qualities. However, what do you see that is most important to you from this list of one through ten?

You might say all of them are important, however, I’m not trying to discount any of these qualities and say this one’s better than that one. We all have our favorites and personal preferences. They can’t all be equal, there has to be some degree of favoritism.

Okay, so I’ve done my homework and research, interviewed women, and listed the qualities in the order as most women see them. However, I will have a poll at the bottom of this article and I would like to know your personal preferences.


Online Dating (Click this link to find out how you can be successful with online dating)

Online dating is a good source of information for finding out what women are looking for in a man. Plenty of Fish is one good source for that (and it’s free.) I have plenty of experience with online dating sites and they are a good resource for finding out what men and women are looking for. However, it’s not as easy as it seems. The success rate in finding a relationship is low, and for a good reason. There are certain unwritten rules to follow. Click on the link above to learn more. 

 I’ve dated and talked to some of these online women. I wanted to know their story, and what they were looking for in a man. Of course I would get the usual answers; they wanted confidence, honesty, consistency etc. But yet they would always attract the opposite. Why?

If you have never been on any online dating sites I would go there just to see what people are looking for. I wouldn’t take it literal; it would be for entertainment, and research purposes. If you do plan on dating online, please, before you do, read my article on online dating.

The List

 Here’s what I’ve found, the most popular starting from the top.

  1. Confidence
  2. Sense of humor-makes me laugh
  3. Witty
  4. Honesty
  5. Intelligence
  6. Spontaneous
  7. Sociable
  8. Financially stable
  9. Physically fit
  10. Affectionate 

There’s the list, there are obviously more qualities, but these are the top 10. Monogamous, a good listener, easy going, friendly, wants to know more about me, respect, spiritual, silly, being a gentlemen, responsible, cleanliness etc. are further down the list and are important too. They will also be added in the poll list below. 

Now let’s talk about why some women are interested in these top 10 qualities.

Confidence– Women prefer men that take control, but are not controlling or cocky. These are men who are comfortable in their own skin. They don’t stutter when they talk to you, and they make eye contact. They look like they’re at ease, and they walk with their head held high. Hmmmmmm…..I don’t know any guy’s like that, but most women want that. I’m not criticizing women, because men have the same fantasies. I know that people (men and women) can’t be, or act that way all the time, it’s not possible. I’ve talked to plenty of men that looked completely in control when talking to women. They said they feel like a nervous bowl of jelly, but you couldn’t tell.  

Conversely, how about a guy that trips over his own tongue, pees his pants, trips and falls on the floor, and spits food in your face? That is another extreme. So then how about a guy for the most part that is in control of himself……and his bladder…….lol

 So ladies listen up, next time you talk to a guy that seems confident when he’s talking to you or a group of ladies, he is really shaking in his shoes. True confidence is when someone doesn’t care what other people think. They are okay with making mistakes, and possibly making a fool out of themselves. They laugh at their mistakes, and shake it off (I wish I was like that L) 

Sense of humor-makes me laugh– Hey we all want that, I know I like a funny lady that can make me smile and laugh. It’s very entertaining to see someone having fun; it makes you feel good too. I heard a lady once say, when a man can make me laugh hysterically, it’s like having an orgasm, and he’s the man for me. Whatever.

Big points for sense of humor. I personally think for me a sense of humor should be high on the top 10 list.

Witty- Witty is closely associated with sense of humor and intelligence. A sarcastic wittiness is sometimes entertaining. Witty is having a good comeback, or a quick answer from a quick mind. What more is there to say, witty think? Hey, that was witty…..

Honesty– Honesty is obvious, right? I mean who wants a dishonest guy? What’s a relationship without integrity? Honesty is defined by telling the truth, not lying. Hmmmmm, what about white lies? Sometimes it’s best not to say something that may hurt their feelings. Honesty in the true sense means to be honest about who you are, and your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable about something, communicate your feelings to your partner. If you are feeling great about your relationship, let your partner know. 



Intelligence– What is intelligence, do you have to be an Einstein? Someone who knows their ABC’s? Someone who can read and write, they’re good at math? Or maybe intelligence is where you can carry on a decent conversation? How about the kind of intelligence where you make good decisions most of the time? I think a man who is compassionate, aware of people’s feelings, not afraid to show his emotions, and knows how to communicate is an intelligent man. In other words he’s smart enough to know what is good for him and others, and has done some work on himself. 



Spontaneous– A spontaneous date for me would be this: Having breakfast with no real plans afterwards. Hop in the car and drive to Tiburon, take a ferry to San Francisco, have lunch at Pier 39, spend the day going from store to store, walking around town seeing the sites, then take the ferry back to Tiburon for a delicious seafood dinner. Maybe if we’re not too exhausted we’ll go dancing afterwards. Nothing planned, just hop in the car and go. Spontaneous is surprising your partner with a day I just described, or buying them a present or flowers without a reason. Be spontaneous!



Sociable– Most women I’ve talked to want a guy that doesn’t sit in a corner and sucks his thumb at a party. They want someone who can hold a conversation with just about anyone. They want to be impressed, and to show him off….sometimes. Basically they don’t want to baby sit him if he is all alone in a corner. I can understand that. You don’t have to be the life of the party; you just need to know how to interact with people.




Financially stable– I’m not sure if this is a quality or trait, but finances seem to be big on the list with this current economy. Do you want a guy to come to your door with an armful of money? No, of course not…..well maybe a little. But you would like a guy that can afford to wine and dine you sometimes? It would stand to reason if a guy doesn’t  have a car or any money, how can he take you on date? Most women prefer men that are self-sufficient; having money is a big part of that. Although, rich guys might be fun to play with, bottom line is, women like it when a guy can afford a super date once in awhile. 


Physically fit– Again, I’m not sure if physically fit is a quality or trait. However, the women I’ve talked to said they appreciate a man that takes care of himself. When I first saw that picture to the left, I thought, hey! I have something in common with that guy! Turns out we have the same shorts….:(

Women appreciate men that eat well and exercises . Men who pay attention to how they look, not in a vanity sense. Men who are clean, and smell good. This quality is not really big on the list because most women are mostly concern about the non-physical qualities. Although, it is still on the top ten list. Guy’s, apparently you don’t have to be a gym rat, just someone who watches their weight and eating habits. 

Affectionate– This to me is a good quality to have. Someone who can show their affection means to me that they like me, appreciate me, and show it through their affection. It is always nice to express how you feel, and show that expression through affection. An affectionate person is much easier to feel comfortable around. Unless their too affectionate, that can be uncomfortable, and maybe even creepy.




Is that it? No, there’s more. Women have expressed to me how they appreciate a man that doesn’t play games. That would fall into a subcategory of honesty. One of the popular games that people play is not calling or texting back right away. I can understand some people are busy, but sometimes calling or texting right away is misconstrued as “being desperate or having nothing to do. So people hold off wanting the other person to think their busy or important. Now wouldn’t that fall into the category of confidence? If you’re confident then it wouldn’t matter what the other person thinks. And isn’t that a part of intelligence? You’re smart enough to know that game playing leads to more game playing.

Really, playing games by not calling or texting back is just a small example. You have to look at game playing as a whole. The source could be from insecurities, fear, and doubt, which is really all the same. People do things out of habit and not knowing most of the time they’re doing it. What that means is: they don’t know how to act differently. 

So the conclusion is: don’t blame them for acting this way. The solution is: you don’t have to be with them. 

“Insanity is when you complain about another person about how their acting, and that person continues to act that way, and you continue to complain” -TR 

What should I look For? (Click this link to find out why you get who you don’t want)

Most people are attracted to first impressions. However, as some of you already know first impressions are like having your favorite politician win. They’re good at first, and then you’re disappointed.

First impressions mean very little, there is something called timing that is an important element. Sometimes people make good first impression depending on the environment and timing. Some days their timing and environment might be off, if that’s the case their first impression may be a disaster. Other days it may be spot on, and subsequently it will be a good impression. That is one reason why people get disappointed after a few dates, or a few months into the relationship. What they see as a first impression is just that and nothing more. 

So next time you vote for your favorite politician, don’t go by first impressions….lol

Try to develop an intuitive sense and see past all the hype. Watching a person interact with their family is a sign of where they came from. If you see disrespect and abuse…..watch out! You might want to find someone else.

Just to be fair, sometimes family (mother, father, siblings) can be a real pain in the ass. And sometimes lashing back is a form of protection. I can understand that. However, if you witness this person abusing and disrespecting their own kids, stay away from this them. There’s no excuse for that, and you will eventually receive the same treatment. 

Thanks for reading


What is your favorite quality in a man? Choose however many you want

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2 Responses to Top ten qualities women like in a Man

  1. de Carabas October 16, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

    Oh..I think I did this poll wrong, I ticked more than one… affectionate was certainly included.

    My preference:

    1) Gentleman—Polite, classy, articulate and does not use “text speak”. Most gentlemen are intelligent as it takes brains to be classy. ;-)

    2) Romantic— Loyalty is included here as cheating is not romantic.

    3) Affectionate: This is very important as there is no use being a classy gentleman if after we get together the man is cold and distant. Lots of cuddles, hand holding, communication and closeness outside of bedroom. It’s VERY hard to smother me.

    4) Confidence.

    5) Creative, strange, spontaneous, adventurous and fun. All the above points are useless if they are a stuffy nerd. It’s importnat to me he is a bit weird, zany, likes adventure, so we will really enjoy life together. They try new things and like going out with me.

    6) Protector: Stands up for you in public situations and will not tolerate people demeaning their partner. They are capable of firmly telling someone off and saving you embarrassment.

    7) Pride: It’s vital that they like public affection and display their feelings openly. I’m someone they are proud of. They are proud of themselves too so they keep themselves reasonably healthy.

    8) Sense of Humour

    9) Tactful—avoids airing dirty laundry and very trustworthy, respectful. The type that gets the hint to talk about something later.

    10) Very honest

    11) Their spouse is #1 in their life. It’s important to have that balance between nerd boy who had no friends and party guy who has too many.

    They have a small group of friends and interests, but I’m not compatible with major social butterflies that party all the time and never sit still. Basically an adventurous homebody that likes to spend time with me, but isn’t so introverted that they sit inside all the time–they are the balance between adventure man that always left me behind and nerd boy that bored the hell out of me. :-)

    • Tony Rivera October 16, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

      Good choices! That’s what I like about these polls. We are so unique in what we want. I’m curious to see what the results will be in a couple of months.

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