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Tag Archives | relationships

Marriage, Separation and then Divorce-Don’t Make This Mistake

Are you in a relationship that is on the verge of breaking up?  Alternatively, are you involved in a relationship where you feel challenged? This article is about becoming aware of one important aspect that goes on during a relationship that may be the cause of your frustrations, separations and divorce. And it can help you prevent from repeating the same mistake in future relationships. Read this article, it can change your life.

I just finished reading this story about a couple that has recently gone through a divorce.  They are well known in the personal development field. They speak, write and give advice on relationships. Here is a couple that seemed happy in their relationship, and successful in their field, and yet they were having relationship issues. How can a couple like this advise others on a subject that they were having challenges with?

I have read many stories about people that have had challenges in areas of their expertise.  Like Jim Rohn said, “This stuff is hard work; listen to what I say, but don’t watch me to close.”

I write about this stuff too, and I continue to have challenges and make mistakes in my life. However, my challenges and mistakes are fewer than before because of my new understanding and awareness. I still have challenges in my relationships dealing with friends and family, but it’s less challenging now. I am not trying to eliminate my challenges I am working and converting them into something productive (sometimes).

The people that write about subjects of their expertise are sometimes expected to follow their own advice and not make any mistakes in these areas. My thought is, “it’s ok to make mistakes, but just don’t repeat them” this applies to everyone and in everything you do. If you have fallen into a habit of repeating your mistakes, and since you’re reading this article, I believe you have decided to do something about it.

So back to this couple, in reading their story it seemed that they harbored feelings of resentment. They went on to talk about how their lives improved after the divorce. Both  expressed feelings of being stifled and rejected while in their relationship. They mentioned compromising too much of themselves. They said in retrospect their differences were obvious, and they ignored the frustration it was causing them. Their differences included; religious beliefs, traveling preferences, child rearing and so on. Do you think their differences were the cause of their divorce?

In situations like this I think the problem isn’t in the differences; the problem is that we see differences in each other, and we don’t accept the other person for their differences.  This puts a huge strain on the relationship. This couple was trying to conform to each other’s wishes not realizing they were giving up a part of themselves in the process.

So let’s start now understanding the dynamics that goes on in this particular situation, and what the possible causes are for the separation. When I speak of separation, I am talking about two people separating on a “feeling” level first. The physical separation is a result of the loss or connection two people once had.

COMPROMISE is the key word here; you can compromise, but don’t compromise yourself. There are different degrees of compromising; you would have to decide what is appropriate for yourself and how much you are willing to compromise to make the relationship work. The person wanting you to compromise should not want you to go beyond your moral, belief and comfort zones, and not expect you to be someone you’re not. That would violate your identity and who you are as a person. Your value and belief system is what makes you special and unique. You need to retain the essence of who you are wherever you go and in all relationships.

Here’s one example of compromising: my ex-wife is currently unemployed and can’t afford to pay for anything concerning my daughters. My daughters live with me full time, and I pay for their clothing, food, piano lessons, etc. My Ex, on the other hand, spends quality time with my girls and drives them where they need to go. I would consider this a compromise. Why? Because I feel satisfied with this arrangement, it’s working for now.

Here’s an example of compromising yourself: let’s say my Ex was abusive to my daughters. She refused to work, and demanded alimony. I did nothing in my defense because I didn’t want to deal with the confrontation, I wanted to, but I was afraid. That would be considered compromising myself and my daughters.

In conclusion, sometimes you just can’t make it work, and instead of beating a dead horse and being a bad example to others, then maybe separating is the best recourse. If you are stubborn and you have a controlling personality, and you’re not willing to change, then good luck. However, if you’re going to try to make this relationship work then remember to communicate your feelings.

Try to catch the problem early, and then decide if you’re both willing to work with your differences. If it’s something small and you are willing to change then remember to maintain your true self, and then go for it, but only if you want to.  The decision has to be yours, and you need to be firm on it.

There’s a chemistry or connection between two people that is unique in a relationship. That includes all relationships, lovers, friends, family and business. We are all unique and we have unique relationships, and that’s what makes life so exciting and special. We see the deference’s and contrast in people and things.  How would it be if every house was panted the same color, you wore the same clothes everyday and “everybody acted the same?”

Good luck!


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Top 8 Body Parts Men Like About Women

Okay girls grab onto your thongs you may be surprised what I’ve found out! Every woman is dying to know what female body parts turn a man on. I interviewed several men and did some extensive research on this topic. I had to censor some parts out because some guys can be very graphic, if you know what I mean!

I know what you’re thinking, (and before you rush off to the gym) it’s not that! Guys don’t really care about the shape of a woman’s body. They are more interested in your mind, and if you believe what I just said then your thong is way too tight and it’s preventing the blood from going to your brain!

It’s hard to get a straight answer out of a guy regarding women’s body parts. They seem to divert from one body part to another in a millisecond without notice. I had to keep their attention focused in one area; it was not an easy thing to do!

The following list is made up of the most popular responses first, working our way down to the least popular. Take note and know what body parts men are most attracted to.

Continue Reading →

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Conflicting Thoughts-A Helpful Solution

One of our biggest challenges in life is having conflicting thoughts. You may have many conflicting thoughts several times a day and not even be aware of it. Conflicting thoughts can be very detrimental to your relationships, and impede your happiness. Control your thoughts and you will control what happens to you, literally! I am writing this article for reference and informational purposes.  I mention conflicting thoughts in my articles periodically. You will be able to reference back to this article to understand what I’m talking about. This is important for you to comprehend, because when understood and applied, it can change your life.

Thoughts into feelings

You have a thought first which starts the creating process. Your feelings are an interpretation of thoughts. Feelings are signals from your thoughts; they reflect back to you if there is fulfillment (alignment) or conflict (misalignment). When you learn to listen (interpret) what your feelings are saying, you can start manifesting things and people that are benefiting your growth. I will write a separate article on what I call “First Feelings’ so you will understand how to listen to your feelings, and know what they are saying. For now I will focus on thoughts primarily so you’re not overwhelmed.

Understanding How Thoughts Work

Thoughts are magnetic; you attract people and things in your life according to what you’re transmitting (thinking). Every thought you have, has  power behind it. If you have conflicting thoughts; they cancel each other out. That’s why it takes so long for you to get what you want. It would be like running around in circles. Thoughts need direction without an interception (conflicting thoughts).

Thought waves are similar to radio waves, but at a higher frequency and more sophisticated. You can’t see them, but they are everywhere. If we think a certain thought we send it out at a certain frequency. For example: a specific thought you’re sending out might be at 1000 megahertz (megahertz is a unit of measurement). Like attracts like, anything or anyone with a similar vibration, would be attracted to you. In other words, a radio tuned to 97.3 will pick up on the frequency 97.3 megahertz. All the radio station frequencies are all around you, but you only tune into that specific one, which is 97.3. Same with thoughts, what thought or frequency are you tuned into now? It depends on what you are open to, you are the radio-receiving thoughts, and you are the radio station-sending out thoughts. You send out and you receive. Positive thoughts may be thought of as higher frequencies, and negative thoughts are lower frequencies.

*This is a very basic description of thought waves. It gets more involved and much more complicated. You don’t need to know how you attract things and people into your life, unless you want to. All you need to know for now is how to stop the conflict. The details will take care of themselves.

What are conflicting thoughts?

Conflicting thoughts are two thoughts that are out of alignment, or out of sync. If you have a thought: I want to be rich, and in the same breath (so to speak) you think, how’s that possible? That would be considered a conflicting thought. Let’s say your thought “I want to be rich” is vibrating at 2000 megahertz, and your thought of “How’s that possible” is vibrating at 1000 Megahertz.  They both have to be at, or close to the same frequency in order to manifest what you want. In this situation, they are canceling each other out, and so nothing happens. Got it? Another example is: “I want to be rich,” and “I think it’s possible” are closer in frequencies. The chances are greater and manifesting what you want is quicker when the frequencies are closer together. There is a caveat, you can’t fake it; you have to feel it. Words don’t carry any weight, however, feelings do.

Understanding Conflicting Thoughts

Now you know how dangerous you can be to yourself and others. We now know we can’t fake it. Thinking positive is not enough. We have to feel positive.

We either live by default, or we live consciously. Living by default means; we are unconscious of our thoughts, and therefore we create haphazardly. We follow along with someone else’s ideas, thoughts, or advice, without question. It’s almost like going downstream without a paddle. Wherever the current takes you, that’s where you will go.

Living consciously means; we are aware of our thoughts, and we create our lives on purpose. Living by default, or living consciously is never 100%. Living by default you still have some control, while living consciously you have more control.

Not making a decision, going back and forth is a conflicting thought. Imagine a tug of war where both sides are of equal strength. Nobody wins. It’s a stalemate.

The Solution

Rather than trying to monitor your thoughts, I encourage that you simply pay attention to how you are feeling. For if you should choose thoughts that are not in harmony with each other, you will feel the discord; and then you can easily redirect your thought to something that feels better and, therefore, serves you better.

How you feel is the answer; how you feel about yourself (self-esteem) how you feel when something doesn’t feel right, and how you feel when something does feel right. How you feel about yourself will determine how you act and what things, situations and people you attract in your life.

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it, if it feels right, do more of it, simple, but not easy to do. Practice listening to your feelings whenever something doesn’t feel right. Act quickly before the logical mind talks you out of it.



* For detailed information: http://www.psitek.net/pages/PsiTekPMI2.html



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7 Myths Why Women Can’t Attract or Keep a Man

Myth 1- When a man disappears or decides to not be in a relationship with you any longer it’s because there’s something you did or didn’t do.  {This myth is all about blame and who’s at fault here.}

Myth 2- Men will magically transform and become a perfect partner if a woman knows the right things to do to keep him satisfied.  {Do you really believe that a man will change because of something you do? This can be true is some situations, but he has to change because he wants to, not because he has too, or because it’s convenient for both of you.}

Myth 3- It’s a women’s job to know how to attract a man, and make a man feel attraction for her.    {Again, this is about one person taking the responsibility, not both.}

Read more click on next page below

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How to become Approachable-Improve Your dating Skills


Click me if you would rather listen

So let me ask you, do you think you’re approachable? Do you even know if you are or not? Do you often wonder why some people seem to get all the attention and you don’t?

Okay so ask yourself this: what kind of people do you think are approachable, who would you approach, and why? My guess is that you would approach someone because you feel comfortable in doing that, or maybe you think they may feel accepting of you in some way.

You may be good looking, witty, and interesting to talk to, but maybe you’re sending out signals of intimidation, or that you’re scared. You may have read that it’s your body language that is causing you to be unapproachable, but it doesn’t come from that. It’s that little thing called “Self-esteem”.

When you have a certain level of self-esteem you may feel comfortable about yourself, and it will show through your body language and how you present yourself with people. So work on self-esteem first not your body language.

I know that I feel comfortable with some people more then others. Sometimes there’s that competitive feeling, you know what I mean when someone gets all the attention or they seem to say all the right things, and they appear to be very confident. Competition may be beneficial in some areas, but in this case it’s a sure sign of low self-esteem.

There are people that have low self esteem and yet they are approachable, but we want to focus on becoming approachable with improved self esteem. The benefits when improving your self-esteem will further improve other areas of you life.

There is another aspect I would like to point out and it goes along with improved self-esteem. As humans we communicate on different levels. We communicate through sound, gesturing, body language and through our thoughts and feelings. We send out thoughts known as signals or electromagnetic waves to other people. We sense when someone doesn’t like us, or that they may feel uncomfortable in our presence. We also know when their lying or hiding something, and hopefully we sense when we are accepted and liked.

So next time you’re in a room full of people remember there’s an exchange of thoughts, you are sending them thoughts and they are sending you thoughts to. Your thoughts and feelings may be saying, “Hi, I’m an easy person to talk to” or maybe you’re sending out, “Watch out I can be a real bitch!” Get the point? Which of the sending out feelings and thoughts do you think is more approachable?

You just have to learn to relax and let go as they say. Try not to focus so much on “What do they think of me?” or “Am I not good looking enough” Practice being yourself; who cares what other people think? Besides, you only want to attract one person, that one special person who will accept you for being you, right?

When people see you as approachable it also opens doors for different opportunities besides dating.  So be open, don’t be competitive, and give a warm smile, all those are natural motivators for people to approach you. Inquisitiveness is also a good trait to have, you may be curious and ask questions about who they are and what they do. People like it when you are interested in them.

Last but not least remember don’t think there is something wrong with you, that’s anti-self-esteem thinking. You just need to work on certain areas of your life; we all do, so you’re not alone. There are different degrees of self-esteem and we have to learn how to raise our level. Self-esteem is a collection of beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves.

Be happy with who you are right now, but always eager for more. See yourself in the mirror and except yourself just the way you are, start from there. Talk about yourself in a kind way, and make it a habit.

Good luck!

Please comment or ask questions regarding this article, I want to hear from you!



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Online Dating-What to Watch For, And How to Improve Your Chances


Nobody really knows what the success rate is for online dating, and who cares anyway. The truth is that you have a better chance of meeting people online, it’s so much easier. But you do have to watch out for the deceitful ones. The ones that tell you they’re single when they’re really married. I had an experience with a woman I met on Match, in her profile she stated that she was divorced, she wasn’t! You can get away with so much, but sooner or later you will get caught! So it’s better to be honest don’t you think?

This article is not a guarantee on “How to attract your soul mate in 3 weeks.” We don’t need more disappointments in our dating career do we? But I could help improve and expedite the dating process by assisting you with some pointers. I am speaking from personal experience with online dating. I don’t claim to be an expert but I have had some very unusual and extraordinary experiences with online dating. I guess I am fortunate in that way because it gave me an opportunity to write about it.

I was married for eighteen years and suddenly tossed into the dating arena. I was unprepared and ignorant about dating. I often wondered if dating has really changed that much since I last dated, or did I just forget what it was like. And why are there so many single people out there and has it always been like this? I guess It’s understandable because the divorce rate has increased tremendously since I last dated, I think it’s over 50% as of this writing.

Online dating allows you to search people based on personal attributes e.g. height, weight, eye color etc. Matches are based on people’s preferences but they can’t predict if you will actually like each other in the real world. One advantage of online dating is you can identify the deal breakers early e.g. smoking, drinking, drugs etc. I have enhanced upon the personal attributes with an online dating template. The online dating template is basically like a plug-in. It is an awesome and ingenious template to save you a great deal of time, I call it the “Online Dating Template” I have posted this template on my profile and received phenomenal reviews from women saying “This is the best profile yet!” That was a direct quote from a smart lady!

I think online dating is one of many ways to meet people. With a little tweaking it can be a good resource and time saver. One negative is that I think the focus is all wrong. That’s great if you like the same activities, but what do you really know about this person. What are their intentions? Who are they really? And what is their background? No doubt that appearance plays a huge part in all of this, but personality and chemistry plays a bigger part. Not so much initially because we see with our eyes first, our feelings second. It would sure save a lot of time if it was the other way around. It is apparent that attractive people might get more dates then someone who is less attractive. But bottom line is; sooner or later you’re going to find out who this person really is on the inside. And hopefully at this point appearance doesn’t take precedence anymore.

Before we get into this template I have been talking about, I want you to know that first you have to become aware of how you feel. You have to listen to your feelings when it tells you something doesn’t feel right. I’ve noticed some people that have been single for a long time and or have come from abusive relationships tend to be too vigilant. For example in some cases there are women that don’t trust men. If this describes you, then trusting your feelings can be a challenge. So I would hope you work on forgiveness first before you even attempt online dating, or any other kind of dating for that matter. Conversely if you are in desperate mode you will ignore those warning signs.

As a side note, I just want to clarify the meaning behind “forgiveness” Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forgive the other person for what they did, forgiveness is done for your sake, not theirs. You have to let the resentment go and move on so you can live your life or it’s guaranteed you will take this resentment or at least a good part of it into your next relationship. I will write more about resentment and forgiveness in future articles.

Okay so finally the template revealed, just keep in mind this template is a tool to use but should not be used solely and should be used conjointly with listening to your feelings. Post this in you profile and let me know what happens, I want to hear from you.


Are you really divorced?
Are your kids excepting of new people in your life?
Are you really in a position to have a relationship?
How much time can you really spend dating?
Do you have a temper?
Were you monogamous in your last relationship?
Do you or have you used abusive language towards your love ones?
Do you have another side to you that you are hiding?
Do you have a criminal record?
Do you do drugs?
Have you ever physically abused your partner?
What type of personality are you?
Are you on medication?
Do you have any health, physical or mental problems?
Were you abused as a child?
Are you or have you ever been abusive in your relationships.
Are you and your Ex on good terms?
What are your intentions and why are you on this site?
What part do friends of opposite sex play once you meet that special person.
Sexual preferences
What was the longest relationship you have had?
How would you rate your baggage from 1 to 10?
How long have you been single?

Add or delete questions according to your specs. Some of these questions might hit some sensitive areas.

And try not to be too detailed or you will scare them away!

I hate to say that people lie about themselves in their profiles. It’s understandable that we want to fulfill a need and impress each other with our achievements and our personality, but it shouldn’t be at someone else’s expense. What a waste of time and energy. I know if this template was posted and used in online dating sites that it would make it difficult to find a date. But then how many of your dates are successful anyway? How many people do you have to weed through to find a decent one? At least this can save you some time and disappointment.

Here’s a tip, if you find someone decent but you’re still not sure how they are, then here’s an idea, observe this person in how they interact with people, friends, and family. Family is the big one, see how they treat and interact with their family members. That should give you an idea on how they might treat you. Also make sure they are available, you should be their main focus (besides their kids), not his wife or girlfriend if you know what I mean. They should be willing to meet your family when the time is right, no excuses and nothing to hide. The latter part of this paragraph is an unfortunate event that occurs too often. Good luck!

Please leave your comments and feedback. I want to hear your stories and experiences with online dating.

Thank you,



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