Inspired by the song “Fifty Ways to leave Your Lover” I decided to write about how we can appreciate our lover instead.
“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” – Mother Theresa
Showing appreciation to your partner is one of several requirements for having a healthy relationship. You don’t have to be perfect at it. You just need to be good at it.
There are different degrees of appreciation. Some people have learned to appreciate better than others. You may be naturally good at it, while others might have to work hard to achieve your level of appreciation. Either way it’s good.
Giving and Receiving
A good healthy relationship is about giving and receiving, it goes back and forth. Give where giving comes from the heart. You receive when you feel deserving and appreciative of yourself. You’re appreciating the other person for just being who they are at that moment. A gift of that caliber of appreciation will come back to you multiplied.
You will receive much more than you give, when giving is unconditional, and even if the other person doesn’t accept your appreciation. If you give somebody something, and you are angry or disappointed when it doesn’t meet your expectations, then your gift is conditional, and with a motive. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m saying there is a better way. Most people give conditionally because they have a motive. The motive may be to want the other person to like them more. That’s great that you want that, we all want someone to like us. However there is a way to be content with a person’s response of not being appreciative. The benefits of that are: you won’t be angry, you won’t be disappointed, you’ll be free of expectations, and you will receive much more in return.
Being disappointed is an energy block. In this situation your needs are not being met by the other person. You have become dependent on someone’s opinion or decision of how you should feel. Your focus is on “what do I get out of this?” With this intention it blocks you from feeling love coming back.
If your intention is from love, you wouldn’t notice it not coming back. The only time you would notice it not coming back is when you’re depending on the other person to fill a need of self-worth. That may be a hard pill to swallow. However you’ll know it when you feel complete without the acceptance of another person. It’s feels good to be accepted and recognized from other people. But self-worth should come from you knowing you’re good just the way you are.
There are different reasons for someone not accepting your gift of appreciation. One reason is they may not feel worthy themselves. When someone doesn’t feel worthy it’s very difficult for them to be the recipient of your gift. So it works both ways.
Practice giving when you really feel it. Practice receiving a gift no matter how small. When you learn to appreciate, you will soon find that your life will change. You will begin to attract more good things, people, experiences and opportunities into your life. Practice giving and receiving everyday no matter how small. Size doesn’t matter.
As I’ve said in my other articles, this is about you first. It starts with you. Take care of you, so you can take care of someone else. Think about when you were not feeling good about yourself, did you feel like appreciating anything? If you’re feeling unworthy about yourself, how can you offer someone else more of what you’re feeling? Feel better, offer more. If you’re feeling awful about yourself, what do you have to offer? It is true, you can offer some love when you’re feeling depressed or undeserving. There is always love to offer. However, we are talking about becoming better at appreciating and offering (giving) love. We can always improve.
Learn to accept appreciation and recognition. When someone compliments you, accept it. How many people when complimented say: “Oh, I’m not really that good” Or they will talk about someone who is better than they are. Accept the gift of appreciation and recognition, and soon it will become a habit.
“If you want a better relationship, you have to become better. It doesn’t happen on its own” -TR
I’ve talked about appreciation in my previous articles. I believe feeling appreciation for your lover is the single most important thing to do. Preferably you should appreciate your partner ever night before going to sleep. Showing appreciation every day will enhance your relationship too. Go to bed each night with a thought and feeling of good appreciation, and you will wake up each morning with that same good feeling. It can improve your day tremendously.
If you don’t have a partner yet, you can use this list of appreciations to attract one. As you learn to feel and act as if the person was already there with you, they will eventually manifest. Just feel the feeling, that’s all you have to do. But do it as if it was real. A person will come to match your feelings. This is a feeling universe. We attract things, people, and experiences to us according to how we are feeling about ourselves. If we learn how to feel better about ourselves and appreciate what we have, we attract better feeling experiences. I know at the beginning this can be a difficult thing to do for some people. But it is possible. As long as we know and believe it’s possible, then it is.
Don’t think too much about it. The logical mind plays a big part in our lives. However, the logical mind gets in the way of our feelings. Don’t think about the process or the journey. Don’t think about how it can happen. If you do, you will limit yourself and it won’t happen. There are hundreds of possible ways a lover can come to you. If you can only think of 5, then you just limited yourself. Leave the process to the universe (so to speak, call it what you want) all you need to do is ask.
The most successful relationships are those where there’s very little criticism or none at all. This is where both people are allowing the other to be who they are, and who they want to be without judgment. There’s no control; where one person wants the other person to be or act against their will.
How to Practice Appreciation
At the beginning practice appreciating someone or something that’s easy to appreciate. Then afterwards work your way up to appreciating someone that is harder to appreciate. You can start by finding a child to appreciate, or maybe a flower. It could be something as simple as appreciating your dog or cat. Some people find it hard to appreciate another person because of some sort of history or judgment they may have with them. So start small, and work your way up. Make it a habit to appreciate something or someone every day.
As a side note, remember that you are unique. Your gestures, mannerisms, personality, and smile are different than everyone else’s. All those qualities are unique to you only. No one smiles exactly like you. You are special, and anything you do, you do it your way. Appreciate who you are. If you look for it you will find something to appreciate about yourself.
Not all of these words will apply to you. Just pick from the list of words that resonate, or change the wording to fit you or your partner.
- I appreciate the time we spend together.
- I appreciate how much you are there for me.
- I appreciate how much you care for me.
- I appreciate your smile.
- I appreciate your warm body next to me.
- I appreciate your loving voice.
- I appreciate your natural scent.
- I appreciate your cleanliness.
- I appreciate your understanding of how unique and individual I am
- I appreciate how you are aware of my feelings.
- I appreciate how giving you are.
- I appreciate how you surprise me sometimes.
- I appreciate how well you take care of yourself.
- I appreciate how healthy you are.
- I appreciate how playful we are together.
- I appreciate how we laugh together.
- I appreciate how silly you are.
- I appreciate how caring you are towards other people.
- I appreciate how witty you are.
- I appreciate us staring into each other’s eyes.
- I appreciate how you take care of you first, for me.
- I appreciate how comfortable I feel when I’m with you.
- I appreciate how honest you are.
- I appreciate how you are working on yourself.
- I appreciate your idiosyncrasies
- I appreciate how conscientious you are.
- I appreciate how patient you are with me.
- I appreciate how nonjudgmental you are with me.
- I appreciate how you accept me for being who I am.
- I appreciate how we communicate well.
- I appreciate how well you handle yourself with other people.
- I appreciate your willingness to try different things.
- I appreciate your spontaneity.
- I appreciate you willing to resolve any conflict between us before the end of the day.
- I appreciate how you care about me when I’m sick.
- I appreciate you spending the time to listen to me when I’m feeling unhappy.
- I appreciate how you understand me wanting my space.
- I appreciate how you give me time to myself.
- I appreciate how reliable you are.
- I appreciate how consistent you are.
- I appreciate how we’re so connected.
- I appreciate how you support and believe in me in everything I do.
- I appreciate how we found each other among so many people.
- I appreciate how you value my opinion.
- I appreciate your appreciation of me.
- I appreciate how affectionate you are with me.
- I appreciate how happy I feel when I’m with you.
- I appreciate when you ask me how my day went.
- I appreciate knowing you are here for me when I need you.
- I appreciate knowing I have you in my life.