Being in love is so good for you. Often when people are newly in love, things that have been bothering them for a long time seem to get better, or go away. Something wonderful is calling the majority of their attention now, so they’re holding themselves in a better place. They believe in possibilities they use to think were impossible. Their whole world seems to change. Colors seem brighter, and the problems of the world don’t seem so terrible anymore.
This almost sounds like Eden! And actually it is Eden in a sort of way. You experience that wonderful feeling in your mind, and your body is a reflection of that thinking. You seem to forget about your aches and pains, or maybe most of it was in your mind anyway? Maybe because your focus is somewhere else now! Ah! Almost like a miracle isn’t it? Those are the benefits of falling in love.
The health benefits are astounding! Your body actually transforms itself according to how you feel. Maybe love is the cure for all diseases? It’s too bad we couldn’t feel this good all the time. It makes you wonder if most diseases are the result of an absence of love.
I want to tell you a story about my friend Eve. She went through a life changing transformation when she found her true love. I remember when Eve had just gotten out of a very dysfunctional relationship. She was slumped over, shoulders forward, and she looked aged. She was an attractive soft spoken lady in her early fifties. At the time, I wasn’t attracted to her because I thought she didn’t fit the physical profile I was looking for…..so I thought!
Eve was a good conversationalist; we had some very inspiring talks. She seemed like such a nice person, and I felt empathy for her. I was sad that she attracted jerks into her life, and that she was treaded with disrespect. She admitted she had low self-esteem and felt lonely.
A few months past and there was no sign of Eve. It seemed as though she just disappeared, and I missed our talks. The next time I saw Eve, I didn’t recognize her because she had changed so much. When we spoke again I asked her what she had been up to. She went on to tell me her story about how she met this guy, and how wonderful their relationship was going. She said she got to a point where she had given up dating and decided she was going to be single for the rest of her life. At that point when she stopped trying, within one week, she found who she was looking for. She just gave up, or you can say she let go.
Eve looked fantastic! Everything about her was different, and she looked ten years younger. She actually bounced when she walked, her whole face lit up with a glow. It was as if Eve was a totally different person inside and out. At that moment, I felt an attraction to her. I then realized that it wasn’t the physical part of her I wasn’t attracted to at first; it was more on an energy level. I just wanted to hug her and not let go, because on another level I felt good being close to her.
That’s what it’s all about, feeling good when you’re in the company of someone else. It doesn’t really matter who they are or what they look like, as long as you feel good together is what counts. We don’t need to analyze or understand love. We need to feel it! We feel incomplete without it, so we know love is necessary for our survival.
Couples that have recently fallen in love tend to ignore certain personality traits or flaws that would normally be considered annoying. They only see the best part of that person. Wouldn’t it be nice if that feeling or absence of judgment was everlasting?
What do we want most when we fall in love? We want to feel good, accepted, admired, and complimented; it’s all about us isn’t it? That person we are falling in love with is doing all the right things to fulfill our wants and needs, but they can’t keep it up forever! And when they can’t any longer, the blame, judgment and resentment begin.
When we expect another person to make us happy and fill our needs, then we are in for a very disappointing relationship. When a relationship starts to crumble, let’s face it, it’s because you’re not getting your needs met… right? And it’s not the responsibility of the other person to keep you happy. Your needs are just what they are, they’re your needs! You own them.
Hypothetically, if there was such a person that was passionate about life, satisfied and happy about their job and what they do, and accepting and secure within themselves, would they be more accepting of their partner? What do you think?
Another person can give you cause for happiness, but if you are depending on them for your happiness then you are subject to their control. Not intentionally at first, but it becomes too much of a strain and responsibility for them to maintain your happiness, and theirs. Eventually, a separation is inevitable to allow both sides a break, to clear their minds, and maybe, hopefully, a reconciliation.
Try to improve in one area of your life where you feel good about yourself and see how your relationships change. Work on self-esteem and accepting yourself, even if you’re not accepted by others. You got it right, keep that focus on yourself, but this time do it with self-confidence and self-reliance. When you have reached the point of believing in yourself and loving yourself, then you have found real love, and that’s worth giving to your partner.
You’re not expected to be perfect, and I know some relationships aren’t meant to be, for whatever reason. Sometimes we grow in different directions and sometimes one person glows more than the other. Abusive relationships are unhealthy for everyone involved, and it’s wise to not be a part of it. Do the best you can and know there is always a solution.
Thanks for reading!