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Finding My Life Partner-How Will I know?

If you’ve been in the dating scene for awhile, you know how difficult it can be to find the right person. It can be very unsettling to discover later he has rules or values that don’t correspond with your beliefs. You’re probably wishing you knew this earlier before you got too involved. I have a simple method that can help you find out what you need to know beforehand.

Dating can be very challenging sometimes, especially if it seems like you’re not getting anywhere. Getting to the first date can be a challenge in itself. I’m going to fast forward and assume you got to the first date stage. So here we go.

First Date

Have you ever heard someone say, “Just be yourself”?  When you have reached the first date stage that’s exactly what you want to . What that means is you don’t want to be someone you’re not, because sooner or later they will find out the real you. So let them see the real you now, they should accept you for who you are. It’s ok to impress, but don’t over-impress. The first date is to see if there is any chemistry present. At the end of the date if you both had a good time, then he will mention, “Let’s do this again” or something like that. If nothing is mentioned, I guess it’s obvious.

Second Date

At this stage, the attraction may be a bit stronger, but still you’re not sure of where this is going. You’re still finding out about each other and yet there is a possibility of something brewing. You’re still very excited, and the not knowing is adding to the adventure. You’re accepting the person for who they are, and without judgment. You’re getting closer to finding out and feeling how much you’re attracted to them. There are a lot of unknowns still present. However, you should know at this point if the relationship is going further. Hopefully the awkwardness is fading, and you are becoming more comfortable with each other.

Third Date-Disclosure

If you made it this far, then you’re starting to think maybe this is leading to a potential relationship. This is where you can start to get a little personal. You have built some trust, and now it’s time for what I call a “Disclosure talk”. A disclosure talk is about finding out your differences and similarities. Before you get too involved, this talk will give you an idea what you’re up against.  For example: you may have different religious viewpoints. Your religion may call for refraining from sex until you’re married, or maybe he’s a strict vegan, and you love to eat meat. Are these deal-breakers? You will have to decide.

The List

Before you go on any date that you feel may be a potential relationship, write a list containing two categories, list the things that you would be willing to compromise for the other person, and list the things you are not willing to compromise. The two categories are: “Compromise and Non-Compromise” Please read my article on compromising first to understand the true meaning of what compromising is.

Ninety percent of the time religious faith would go in the Non-Compromising category. Don’t expect to change her. If you are a meat eater, and she is a vegan, again this would go in the NC category. The Compromising category would consist of things you are willing to give up or change for the other person. The Non-Compromising list would be the things you are not willing to change. Remember this list is about you, and what you’re willing to change to be in a relationship. Don’t list all the things you don’t want him to do, or how you want him to be.

Here’s an example of what you should not list: I want him to like my kids, and I expect him to be a good father. If you still don’t understand what to list, please message me so I can elaborate further on this list writing.

Example of a list

Compromising

1. Going out with friends on Friday night
2. Going to the casinos once a month.
3. Watching football on Sundays.

Non-Compromising

1. My religion
2. Sex only after marriage
3. Spending time with my kids.
4. Going to sleep at 9 pm sharp on weekdays.

Conclusion
A new person in your life can disrupt your normal way of living, or they could improve it. This depends on how much you want this person in your life, and if you are willing to change. Some people that have been single for a long time are not willing to change, and consequently, have become too comfortable in their single lifestyle. You have to be willing to give a little in order to make it work. Some of the small things will work themselves out on their own through time.

Don’t be so strict. Only mention things in your Non-Compromising category that you will absolutely not want to change. You don’t have to do the disclosure talk on the third date. I wouldn’t do it any sooner though. However, you can wait until you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe the 4th or 5th date would be appropriate. But don’t wait too long because you might get attached, and then you will either compromise yourself (willing to give in when you shouldn’t) or you will get hurt if you have to break it off.

Thanks for reading, if you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them.

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5 Responses to Finding My Life Partner-How Will I know?

  1. MalloryZamora September 13, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    Tony, this article has opened new doors to how I view life. Thank you for your wisdom!

  2. anjali singh April 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    hello,,

    i am Anjali singh, i love someone , his name Ankit srivastava , we want to marriage each other after some time,every thing was going on right way but now we are some problem, one persone said to my boy friend” that if we will marriage to each other then his mother and me will die on road accident within one year, i want to ask , its true,plz reply my question , im going to give my date of birth and my boyfriend date of birth…

    Anjali singh my nick name(rupal),my date of birth 2july1988 time 7:45 am

    Ankit srivastava his nick name(bholu), date of birth 6may1986 time 5:55 pm

    plz repaly as soon as possible

    thank you

    • Tony Rivera April 11, 2012 at 12:29 am #

      Anjali

      Thank you for reading my blog. Your question is not an easy one to answer. It involves your belief system. I don’t want to intervene with your belief system in a way that may sound confusing. I can tell you this, the old saying “If you’re not in control, someone else is” is true for me. No one can tell you how to live your live unless you let them. Fear is a great motivator, and fear is a great destroyer. However, personally I would rather be motivated by positive encouragement. If you’re not encouraging someone, it is better to remain silent.

      Surround yourself with people and things that are inspiring and encouraging. Read books about people that have taken control of their lives, and are fulfilled. Take advice from people that are successful in the area you seek. Next time someone gives you advice, ask yourself, is this person living the life I want? As you gain more control of your life, you will notice discouraging people dropping off, and new encouraging people coming into your life to replace them.

      You are questioning this persons prediction of your outcome. That to me, means you have some control, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be seeking answers, or advice elsewhere. Seek out helpful knowledge that is encouraging, not fear based.

      Live your life with joy

      Tony Rivera

  3. Daiani May 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    Beautiful blog with nice informational content. This is a really interesting and informative post. good job! keep it up, hope to read your other updates. thanks for this nice sharing.

  4. Evandra May 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    How exciting! i have really enjoyed reading this post. you guys have built a great community! How often do you post an article?

    Evandra

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