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Dating Someone with Children & Dating with Children

Dating someone with Children

Dating someone who is divorced can feel like an entirely different game than dating used to be, particularly when there are children involved.  A lot of people are scared off by the idea of dating under these circumstances and it’s defiantly true that it’s not something everyone will be able to handle, but when it works well it can be really great and a lot of fun.  If this is uncharted territory for you, a little advice will never hurt, so here are a few tips for beginners.

Be adaptable

This is far from the only guide on this subject you’ll find on the internet and the more research you do the more conflicting advice you’ll find.  What you need to understand is every family is different, every family goes through different things, every parent has their own style and every child has their own personality.  You need to listen to what it is the parent you’re dating thinks is best for them and their children.  If this is not okay with you this might not be the relationship for you.

Be Sympathetic

You need to be sympathetic and accept that you will sometimes take second place to children, if you’re looking for something long term then this will pay off in the future; getting to know their children at the right pace will hopefully lead to a better relationship with them.  If you’re only in it for the short term this can be fine to, but you have to understand that any responsible parent is going to be very careful about whom they let into their children’s life and is not going to want their children getting attached to someone before it’s clear that they might be around a while.  

 Dating with children

Whether you’ve just come out of a long marriage or relationship or have been waiting for your children to be a little more independent dating for the first time with children is not always straight forward.  It’s important to make sure you’re not rushing into things.  Take some time to yourself before looking for something new and try to make sure you’re in the right frame of mind to be dating. 

When you are ready remember that this is something that will have an effect on your children.  The choices you make are your choices but be aware of how they affect your children.  Be careful of letting your children get attached to someone before you have a good idea of how long they are likely to be around.  If and when you do introduce your children make sure they are aware of the situation, make sure they feel safe and make sure you they know that your love for them is not affected.

Sometimes children will get on great with a new partner other times less so, try to prepare your partner for what to expect and use good communication.  Let your children know how you feel and encourage them to let you know how they feel. 

Be patient this can be a long journey but when it goes well it can be a really exciting and happy one.

This article was provided on behalf of Panonne family solicitors for more information on life after divorce you can visit their blog.

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3 Responses to Dating Someone with Children & Dating with Children

  1. Branca May 11, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

    This is an excellent article. Thanks for bringing in guest posters. This article gives me some perspective on dating with kids.

    Thanks again, Branca

  2. de Carabas October 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    I would not date someone with children. I am young and not interested in having my own, let alone taking on responsibility of someone elses’ instant family and having to deal with their ex.
    I would be honest about this straight away so I could find someone without children.

    I have done this before and was terrible. The man did not introduce me to his children on the claim of not wanting them attatched… I said I have no intention of being their mother, they have a perfectly good mother, I’m just in a relationship with you and want you to be proud of me.
    Being introduced to his family as a “friend” was VERY hurtful and insulting. I felt like nothing. It didn’t make sense as I had no intentions of making his children attatched to me, just be their friend or get along with them, but not the mother type anyway.
    This is also ideal for his ex as she was happy I am no threat, just want to date someone and be polite to his kids. No desire to take her job.
    That shouldn’t be so hard. I was even happy to have his kids come along or whatever, I’m sociable and resonable person.

    Turns out he was using his kids as an excuse to keep our relationship secret. In future I am now very wary about that.

    • Tony Rivera October 19, 2012 at 10:25 am #

      We can all learn from our experiences. If we see each experience as something we can learn from rather than a “hurt lesson” we can gain much wisdom from that experience. Therefore we would grow from each experience rather than getting confused.

      Each new experience after that will lead to more clarity…..trust me, it’s true.

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