A lot has changed since I first started dating. People are now engaging in what is called alternative lifestyles. In certain areas of the country, and the world, these lifestyles have become the norm. These lifestyles include: Swinging, same sex relationships, Polyamory groups, friends with benefits, fetish groups, and the list is infinite.
I’m personally very intrigued by the changes. I am not surprised anymore when I hear of something new regarding a new “lifestyle” I would like to say “I’ve heard it all” But, I haven’t. I’m sure there are many new groups springing up as I write this article.
In my personal experiences I have met women that wanted to have sex on the first date. I remember once a woman invited me to a spanking fetish group. At first I was shocked, and while I never did participate in any of these lifestyles, I was curious to learn more about them.
I have always been open-minded, and I wanted to accept what people do behind closed doors is their business. Of course I would not include sex with minors and animals, and any kind of abuse. If consenting adults both agree to have an alternate lifestyle, then that’s their business. These lifestyles are becoming more prevalent every year.
The point is, these lifestyles are growing and there is no stopping it. I am not one to fight something that is an evitable change and developing into what is becoming normal in some areas.
I remember several years ago my daughters telling me that nine out of ten of their friends were either lesbians, bi-sexual, or have experimented with the same sex once or twice. I was a little shocked at first. I grew up during different times, and I was only familiar with conventional relationships and sexual activities.
As I am now a dancer and part of the dance community, in my area it is common for men to partner dance with other men. They are not considered gay, or bisexual. Some of these men are married, so I believe they are expressing their feminine side? Or maybe because it is more accepted now and these men don’t see, or feel it as unusual?
I don’t have to understand what other people are doing or feeling, it’s harmless and all for fun. I am not inclined or the least bit interested in dancing with other men, that’s just how I feel. I don’t think for a second that it’s wrong, it’s just me.
Is it right or Wrong?
I’m sure there are groups of people that will disagree with these changing and evolving lifestyles. However, I don’t disagree with these people either. They also have a right to feel and believe what they want. The problem occurs when people try to convince other people of their viewpoint and what they think is right or wrong.
That said, these lifestyles are right for some people, and wrong for others. Maybe “wrong” is a harsh word; although, there are many people that do think it is wrong. I personally fall into the category of, “it’s not a matter of right or wrong in this case, it’s an inevitable change so I accept it.” These lifestyles are becoming normal and abundant in certain areas of the country, and the world.
What are the reasons for this inevitable Change?
One can only surmise why the change. However, I strongly believe the change was born from a transition of power from men to women. The power and decisions within a relationship now seem to be more on equal terms.
Here is one of several reasons why we have these evolving lifestyles. I’ve written about this in previous articles. Years ago divorce among couples was not accepted as an option. Most couples felt they had to stay together because of religious beliefs, and/or traditional beliefs. This is not to say they didn’t love each other, but they felt they didn’t have a choice if they were unhappy. Women especially were not allowed to voice their opinions. If women were unhappy within the relationship they usually stayed in the relationship unwillingly and under protest.
Things have changed since then; women now have an opinion and a say within the relationships. They always have, but now their opinion and viewpoint is valued. Relationships seemed (but of course women didn’t think so) to be less complicated when the man was in control, and was the primary decision maker. One person, one answer, one choice, sounds simple, right? That’s how most relationships used to be. Now that we have couples with equal say in a relationship they are forced to communicate and agree equally on a decision. Coming from a generation of being mostly one-sided it’s has become a challenge to conform to the change for most men.
The change was in fact inevitable, and now we can learn to be equal, communicate our differences, and compromise (but not compromise ourselves.) It got a little getting used to with consequences of course. With a record number of divorces and more singles than ever before.
The pressure was on and the arguments were abundant. It was the battle of the sexes. Besides, couples had little knowledge of communication skills which compounded the problem. The results ended in divorce and the children were the victims most of the time.
We have, and are evolving from old traditional relationships into new and progressive relationships. With millions of single people that wanted to be free, yet they are eager and thirsty for affection. How are these people going to express themselves in the old traditional ways? They can’t, hence one of the reasons for the alternate lifestyles.
The new cycle of relationships has begun. The new relationships are more balanced, with more freedom to express our feelings, more freedom of choice, and the ability to grow within the relationship.
We are still in the middle of the transition period from old conventional thinking to the new. While there are a record number of singles (which was the consequence of the change) there will be fewer singles in the years to come. There will be more successful and healthy relationships springing up in the near future, have faith.
The different Lifestyles
Okay, this is the part that you’ve been waiting for. I’ll list the different lifestyles and I’ll give some details. I will only give the basic description because more information would make this article too lengthy. Besides, now that you will become aware of the different lifestyles you can choose which ones you’re interested in. At this point you can do the research yourself to get more details. Or, you can choose to not participate and be happy just the way you are.
Swinging– Swinging has been around forever. Swingers, mostly married, have sex with other couples and singles. Some couples I’ve met have been swinging for over twenty years. Apparently it works for them, and they seem to be very content about it. It’s not what you think though, the couple’s I’ve met are very selective with whom they chose to have sex with. Of course there are those that have wild sex parties, and whoever is invited, they our less selective. There are single people in the mix too. Threesomes are very popular and sometimes a wife or husband will have an intimate encounter on their own, without their partner.
Here’s a good link for more info, and to give you a peek into the world of swinging. This site draws in approximately 1000 new members per day. They are huge! www.SwingLifeStyle.com
Polyamory– Polyamorous people are a mixture of single and married couples that meet regularly and have shared interest. They stick to their own group and have sex with people within that group. It’s a lifestyle for people that want to feel safe and know who they are having an intimate encounter with. Poly groups are popping up everywhere, there is probably one in your town that you live in.
Here’s a link for more info: http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Relationships/Alternative_Lifestyles/Polyamory/
Sex with your Ex- I wrote an article about this awhile back and it has become my most popular article to date. Having sex with your Ex is definitely becoming increasingly popular. Everybody I’ve talked to that has sex with their ex says it’s something they can depend on; it is safe (a big requirement for women) it’s familiar, and it’s easy. Easy, meaning they don’t have to waste time dating and getting to know the person first before sex. Besides, most people find dating to be a big challenge. Women and men are in a quandary because they need that physical contact, and finding someone we can trust isn’t always easy. It takes time to get to know someone, and to trust them.
I’m keeping this short because you can read my article on Having sex with your Ex- is it Right or Wrong? for more info.
Fetishes- There are too many to list. There is a fetish for just about anything you can think of. People are forming more varieties of fetish groups every day, it is big, but be very careful, some of these groups will put pressure on you. Stick to your values and beliefs. That means if a fetish group is into pain or abuse, both physically and verbally, don’t join them. Not to say all fetish groups are into S&M, but some of them are.
Here’s an idea of what some people are into: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Have-A-Fetish/1285
I’ve done a little research on this matter and wanted to know why people have some strange and weird fetishes. There really isn’t one answer to why people engage in these types of activity. Personally, I think it is a sort of an outlet of expressing themselves. There are many ways to express one’s inner feelings and yearnings, fetishes are just one of those ways. I guess as long as it’s safe, not too weird, and you feel comfortable doing it, it could be a consideration. Just be careful, take lots of caution, and make sure you establish rules and boundaries first.
Friends with Benefits- Also known as FWB is becoming more and more popular. However, FWB is more popular among the younger crowd. Middle-aged folks are more apt to having a defined and monogamous relationship than the younger people are. Although the curiosity is there, older people are adamant in their decision and beliefs. How is it to be curious about something that sounds like fun, but yet you don’t want to go against your beliefs? Sounds like a lot of pressure.
What are the rules? Unlike the groups I mentioned above FWB have no established rules. That means you have to decide and establish your own rules as an FWB couple. If there are such rules, being discreet would be one of them. FWB is something you usually don’t want to mention at your grandmother’s birthday party. Another rule should be that you should have rules. It has to be comfortable for both involved.
Here’s some links:
Bisexuality- Being Bi is a very common act, at least in my area it is. What is the definition of being Bi? Good question. That’s a difficult question to answer because there are so many variations of Bisexuality. Bisexuality is common among young and middle-aged people; age is not an issue as in the case of FWB. The definition is not well defined because there are so many people that have only tried it once or twice. Are they considered bisexual? They had no desire to try it again because they were only curious. Do you have to be consistent to be bisexual? I mean do you have to go back and forth between the sexes for the rest of your life?
My Ex-wife’s aunt has been a lesbian for fifteen years before she decided to change. She is now with a man, but still considers herself a lesbian. I’m confused, is there an identity issue here? Well, either way I guess you can switch gears and be anything you want. The problem is, what should we label you as? Or, are labels really that important?
Some people would rather not be labeled gay or lesbian because they were only curious once or twice. So, is bisexuality more accepted than being labeled gay or lesbian? Apparently so, and the lifestyle does give the freedom to go back and forth if you choose.
Woody Allen said that being Bi doubles your chance of getting a date. I guess that is a good point if that’s what you want.
More info: http://www.bisexual.org/home.html
Best Bisexual Personals – the best and largest dating site in the world for bisexual singles, bisexual couples, bi women, bi men, bicurious.
These lifestyles are not meant for everyone…..obviously. You have choices, and if you feel comfortable staying with the conventional lifestyle you’re in, then go with that. I recommend going with what feels comfortable. Trust your feelings and not someone else’s feelings or what they think would be right for you. In other words, don’t let anyone coerce you into a lifestyle that feels uncomfortable, or convince you of their beliefs.
I’m not endorsing or encouraging any of these lifestyles. Alternative sexual or relationship lifestyles are becoming very popular. I’m not for, or against any of them, as long as you feel safe and they are respectful, and you want to experiment, then why not be curious. That’s just my opinion.
In some cultures there is still this preposterous belief that women are cheap, slutty, and trashy if they engage in these activities, and the men are still thought of as studs, or “real men.” That is absurd; however, the worst part is that some women subconsciously still believe it themselves.
Make sure you establish rules and boundaries first before signing up to any group or alternative activity. There should be little if any compromise on your rules and boundaries, ESPECIALLY with fetish groups of any kind. Be smart, be wise, and you’ll make the right choices.
Thanks for reading