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Finding My Life Partner-How Will I know?

If you’ve been in the dating scene for awhile, you know how difficult it can be to find the right person. It can be very unsettling to discover later he has rules or values that don’t correspond with your beliefs. You’re probably wishing you knew this earlier before you got too involved. I have a simple method that can help you find out what you need to know beforehand.

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Monogamy Versus Having an Affair

If you are single and dating, you can probably relate to what I am about to say. If you are married, then this information will help you reinforce your outlook on monogamy. If you had an affair, or thinking about having one, you better read this.

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The Ultimate Relationship-What You Really Need to Know


There’s nothing more meaningful than a working relationship between two people that encourages, optimizes growth, joyfully inspires and exemplifies the true meaning of love. Ultimately, this is what we strive for; however, there are personal obstacles to overcome to achieve this level of cohesion. We will discuss these obstacles in subsequent paragraphs.

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Sexless Marriages-An Overview of Love Making


Statistics show forty million people in the US live in sexless marriages. The divorce rate is over 50% in the US. Married people have sex twice as much as single people. There are more single people than married people in the US. 48% of women say they fake organism. I would presume there is less than 150 million married people in the US. So that would mean about 1/3 of those that are married do not have sex. Wow! What does all this mean?

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Is Your Relationship Abusive? It Could be, Let’s Find Out

How many of you really know what an abusive relationship is? I was astounded to find out how many people are in abusive relationships, and they don’t even realize it. In this article I will describe an abusive relationship. You may be surprised to find out you could possibly be in one, and be unaware of it.

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How to Attract a Perfect Mate-Loneliness be Gone

I will describe a very unconventional but effective way for you to attract the person you always wanted. Someone whom you have always dreamed about, but thought it was impossible, and now you’ll find out it is possible. This technique can also be used to attract other things in your life, including money.

Did you know your thinking is the reason you can’t find a mate. Yes, the thought process is the key to everything you’re attracting, including money. I will show you how to improve your thinking so you can attract what you want. You are already attracting what you put your attention to, so make it something you want instead of what you don’t want.

What you put your attention to is the key element here. If your attention is on: why can’t I find a mate? Then you have already roll played it your mind that it is difficult to find one. Let’s change that, let’s reprogram what you put your attention too and your life will chance drastically.

Out there somewhere is a partner who is a perfect match for you, and that’s what you want, right? Are your dreams aligned with your thoughts and actions? We will find out.

My vision to find the perfect mate is that we get along well. We bring the best out of each other, and we have a great time together We allow each other to be who we are without judgment, and we grow and expand together to new levels of being and understanding. We’re both self-sufficient, but together we are one. It’s exciting thinking about it, and I can feel myself being in that place.

If this wonderful person hasn’t manifested yet, it’s because you’re not ready. What does “not being ready mean?” It means you’re not aligned with you thoughts yet. You are still in: maybe that person is the one, or maybe that one, or maybe that one. Or let’s play that game, I like you, but I will pretend not too.

When you’re ready, you won’t have to play any games, you will know, and they will know when it’s right. You will both feel it without question. Sure, there might be some question, but that is your logical mind talking. Your feelings know better. So let’s see how you can attract that person you want, and how they want you.

You will attract into your life what your dominate feeling is. You’re supposed to get what you want, and what you want and what you believe is possible, should be in alignment with each other. Wanting something and believing it’s hard to get or impossible to get is sabotaging what you want. It’s neutralizing what could be delivered to you and you to it.

How you feel and think is the only thing that you have control of. With that knowledge, you can have the person of your dreams. That person is waiting for you just as much as you are waiting for them. Let’s get into alignment so you can be with that person you want.

When you plan for a vacation you get organized in your thoughts. You get pictures of the place’s you’re going to. You make reservations. You make a list of all the things you are bringing. You board your dog, etc. You’re not going someplace that you think is impossible to get to, right? So you’re thinking and the place that you’re going to is in alignment.

What about attracting a person that you have never met before, is the process the same? Yes it is! The approach is different, the alignment is the same. In your mind fast forward to after the date has ended and feel the satisfaction of how well it went. See yourself laughing, have an endless conversation where you feel really connected with this person. You are having a really fun time. You see yourself after the date, and you are smiling, awaiting the next date. You have to focus your attention there; this is where you want to be, it’s called deliberate creation.

Make up your own idea and vision of what you want, this is only an example. The point is, you want to feel that feeling so it is so real that it will manifest before you. You will draw it in because you feel it, and you believe it.

Before long and with practice you won’t leave your house until you have decided in your mind how you want your day to go. Don’t pay too much attention to the details; those will work themselves out for you. Only think and feel of the important aspects of what you want.

I encourage you to read my other articles. This is a process that will never end. You will improve in all areas of your life, and life will deliver to you the things and people you want according to how you feel and think about yourself.

Thanks for reading, comments are always welcome.

 

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Communication in Relationships-How to Communicate Better

What does communication really mean?  The dictionary defines it as: A successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.  Most problems in relationships happen because of miscommunication or from non-communication.  We tend to ignore the problems that arise in relationships because of the inability to communicate.  If you learn how to communicate properly you would avoid 99% of your relationship issues.

When you learn how to communicate, life becomes easier for both you and your partner.  You’ll also be able to communicate with friends and family much easier because you will learn communication skills on all levels.  Notice that the dictionary mentioned “sharing of ideas and feelings”, feelings plays a huge part in communication.  We need to learn how to listen to our feelings because that is the foundation to our communications with others. Not listening to your feelings, lack of knowledge, and your insecurities are the main reason why you have challenges in your communications.

Some people lash out violently because they are frustrated in not being able to communicate properly. It’s frustrating when you want to get your word across, and they don’t seem to understand you. It’s also frustrating when you think you’re stuck. You’ve run out of ideas, and you feel you’re backed into a corner. What an awful feeling, I know because I have been there many times myself. By reading this article you will find there is an alternate way to conventional communications, and you will soon realize that you can minimize or eliminate some of these challenges completely.

Trying to convince people against their will, and trying to give people answers to questions they never asked, is futile, and an energy drainer. When you understand the concept of communication you won’t be so inclined to act in this way. A teacher is only as affective as his ability to understand where his student is.  A communicator is only as effective as her ability to understand where that person is whom she’s trying to communicate with.

You may ask yourself: are they open to listening?   Will they understand what I’m trying to convey? You have to know the answer to these questions before you enter  a communication with your partner.

You also have to be aligned in your thinking. If your thoughts aren’t aligned with something you’re trying to accomplish, you are canceling yourself out e.g. I want to be wealthy, but I don’t think it’s possible. These are two opposing thoughts that are not aligned with each other. Wanting to be wealthy and taking the steps to accomplish that goal is alignment with thought and action. Wanting to be wealthy and not believing it is possible is a misalignment in thought and leads to zero action, or circular action.

If you and your partner are entering into the communication with preconceived ideas of who’s right and who’s wrong, then what’s the point?  It’s a waste of time and energy beyond that. It would be better to align yourself first with a thought and a vision of compromise and resolution. The thought is of coming to a resolution, and the action will be communicating with that thought in mind. Of course for this to work, it will have to be a mutual effort. That may sound impossible, and as I see it, there are several ways to approach this:

♥ Go about it on your own and be an example to you partner, and hopefully they will come around.
♥ Work together in a combined effort (best way.)
Live with the pain and frustration of not communicating effectively.
Know when it’s not working, and make a decision whether you want to stay in the relationship.

People break up for different reasons, sometimes it’s because they’re both growing in different directions, it just happens, and I will explain in a future article the details why that is.

Conventional thinking emphasizes attention on the other person and how you need to do something to please them, or how they are doing something that isn’t pleasing you. You need to be selfish and think about yourself first. Here’s a quote by Jim Rohn “I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me” This is one of my favorite quotes by JR. What this means is: I will work on myself first, and when I do, you will benefit from it. Now this is being selfish in a productive and healthy way.

We live in a society where we need to please or put others before ourselves, or we need to follow a certain belief or religion so we can be accepted.  Besides, if you do something that you don’t like or want to do because of a belief, then it’s of little or no benefit to you.

It’s not really what the other person is or isn’t doing, or doing to you, because you do have a choice of refusing to participate. It’s about how you feel about yourself. As I have said in my other articles, work on yourself first and your situation will change.

The experts put too much focus on what you’re doing wrong, and what’s broken (and then you wonder why you feel so guilty). You’re not broken and you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing the best you can with what you have and what you know. So let’s learn together so we can make better choices.

If you don’t feel good about yourself then whatever you do won’t feel good either.  You will just be a target, or a victim for someone to blame things on.  The communication starts with you first listening to your feelings.  Your feelings will tell you what feels right and what feels wrong, you need to learn the language of listening to your feelings.

There’s something that I call “first feelings”, the first feelings are the feelings that tell you what is going on before the logical mind steps in.  After the first feelings the logical mind steps in and tries to talk you into a different feeling. It tries to rationalize or agree with what somebody else said or believes. We don’t want to be the odd one, and we want to be accepted, so sometimes we sacrifice ourselves to maintain credence with that person or a group of people.

The first feeling only last for a second or two, and if we continue to ignore it, over time it will not be noticeable, as if it wasn’t even there. Because of our insecurities and our belief system, we are eliminating a feeling that is important to our survival.

We can learn to listen to it, and take advantage of what it’s telling us. Next time you have an uncomfortable feeling pay attention immediately to how you feel. Put everything aside, don’t try to analyze it, find out what it’s telling you? A bad feeling would be considered a negative emotion, and a negative emotion is not in alignment with what you want, that’s why it feels bad. A good feeling is a positive emotion, and it is aligned with what you want, that’s why it feels good. It sounds simple really, but because of our programming we can’t see the simplicity of it.

If both partners were to listen to their feelings they would know how to communicate efficiently.  The communication would be more on a feeling level than a verbal level. They would know that something isn’t right, and they will communicate that feeling to each other.  They will then know what to do almost simultaneously and without question.

We can’t expect this to happen overnight; however with this new knowledge we can begin in taking the first step. You can begin by listening to the first feeling.  Practice incrementally and each time you feel something isn’t right, stop and ask yourself what is going on here.  What do I need to do to change how I feel?  Know that there’s always a solution, we just have to find it. Eventually things will start to change around you and your communication skills will improve. When we learn this skill we will stop or minimize blame, resentment and judgment.

Practice with your partner this new knowledge that you have acquired, and together you will improve.  You can observe each other as the situations comes up, catch it early and communicate with your partner before it escalates into something bigger.  This is a team effort, do it together, and work it out together.

Good luck, and if you have any questions, please message me.

Thank you for reading.

 


 

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Falling in Love-What Love is, And How to Fall in Love

Being in love is so good for you. Often when people are newly in love, things that have been bothering them for a long time seem to get better, or go away. Something wonderful is calling the majority of their attention now, so they’re holding themselves in a better place. They believe in possibilities they use to think were impossible. Their whole world seems to change. Colors seem brighter, and the problems of the world don’t seem so terrible anymore.

This almost sounds like Eden! And actually it is Eden in a sort of way. You experience that wonderful feeling in your mind, and your body is a reflection of that thinking. You seem to forget about your aches and pains, or maybe most of it was in your mind anyway? Maybe because your focus is somewhere else now! Ah! Almost like a miracle isn’t it? Those are the benefits of falling in love.

The health benefits are astounding! Your body actually transforms itself according to how you feel. Maybe love is the cure for all diseases? It’s too bad we couldn’t feel this good all the time. It makes you wonder if most diseases are the result of an absence of love.

I want to tell you a story about my friend Eve. She went through a life changing transformation when she found her true love. I remember when Eve had just gotten out of a very dysfunctional relationship. She was slumped over, shoulders forward, and she looked aged. She was an attractive soft spoken lady in her early fifties. At the time, I wasn’t attracted to her because I thought she didn’t fit the physical profile I was looking for…..so I thought!

Eve was a good conversationalist; we had some very inspiring talks. She seemed like such a nice person, and I felt empathy for her. I was sad that she attracted jerks into her life, and that she was treaded with disrespect. She admitted she had low self-esteem and felt lonely.

A few months past and there was no sign of Eve. It seemed as though she just disappeared, and I missed our talks. The next time I saw Eve, I didn’t recognize her because she had changed so much. When we spoke again I asked her what she had been up to. She went on to tell me her story about how she met this guy, and how wonderful their relationship was going. She said she got to a point where she had given up dating and decided she was going to be single for the rest of her life. At that point when she stopped trying, within one week, she found who she was looking for. She just gave up, or you can say she let go.

Eve looked fantastic! Everything about her was different, and she looked ten years younger. She actually bounced when she walked, her whole face lit up with a glow. It was as if Eve was a totally different person inside and out. At that moment, I felt an attraction to her. I then realized that it wasn’t the physical part of her I wasn’t attracted to at first; it was more on an energy level. I just wanted to hug her and not let go, because on another level I felt good being close to her.

That’s what it’s all about, feeling good when you’re in the company of someone else. It doesn’t really matter who they are or what they look like, as long as you feel good together is what counts. We don’t need to analyze or understand love. We need to feel it! We feel incomplete without it, so we know love is necessary for our survival.

Couples that have recently fallen in love tend to ignore certain personality traits or flaws that would normally be considered annoying. They only see the best part of that person. Wouldn’t it be nice if that feeling or absence of judgment was everlasting?

What do we want most when we fall in love? We want to feel good, accepted, admired, and complimented; it’s all about us isn’t it? That person we are falling in love with is doing all the right things to fulfill our wants and needs, but they can’t keep it up forever! And when they can’t any longer, the blame, judgment and resentment begin.

When we expect another person to make us happy and fill our needs, then we are in for a very disappointing relationship. When a relationship starts to crumble, let’s face it, it’s because you’re not getting your needs met… right?  And it’s not the responsibility of the other person to keep you happy. Your needs are just what they are, they’re your needs! You own them.

Hypothetically, if there was such a person that was passionate about life, satisfied and happy about their job and what they do, and accepting and secure within themselves, would they be more accepting of their partner? What do you think?

Another person can give you cause for happiness, but if you are depending on them for your happiness then you are subject to their control. Not intentionally at first, but it becomes too much of a strain and responsibility for them to maintain your happiness, and theirs. Eventually, a separation is inevitable to allow both sides a break, to clear their minds, and maybe, hopefully, a reconciliation.

Try to improve in one area of your life where you feel good about yourself and see how your relationships change. Work on self-esteem and accepting yourself, even if you’re not accepted by others. You got it right, keep that focus on yourself, but this time do it with self-confidence and self-reliance. When you have reached the point of believing in yourself and loving yourself, then you have found real love, and that’s worth giving to your partner.

You’re not expected to be perfect, and I know some relationships aren’t meant to be, for whatever  reason. Sometimes we grow in different directions and sometimes one person glows more than the other. Abusive relationships are unhealthy for everyone involved, and it’s wise to not be a part of it. Do the best you can and know there is always a solution.

Good luck!

Thanks for reading!

 

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Marriage, Separation and then Divorce-Don’t Make This Mistake

Are you in a relationship that is on the verge of breaking up?  Alternatively, are you involved in a relationship where you feel challenged? This article is about becoming aware of one important aspect that goes on during a relationship that may be the cause of your frustrations, separations and divorce. And it can help you prevent from repeating the same mistake in future relationships. Read this article, it can change your life.

I just finished reading this story about a couple that has recently gone through a divorce.  They are well known in the personal development field. They speak, write and give advice on relationships. Here is a couple that seemed happy in their relationship, and successful in their field, and yet they were having relationship issues. How can a couple like this advise others on a subject that they were having challenges with?

I have read many stories about people that have had challenges in areas of their expertise.  Like Jim Rohn said, “This stuff is hard work; listen to what I say, but don’t watch me to close.”

I write about this stuff too, and I continue to have challenges and make mistakes in my life. However, my challenges and mistakes are fewer than before because of my new understanding and awareness. I still have challenges in my relationships dealing with friends and family, but it’s less challenging now. I am not trying to eliminate my challenges I am working and converting them into something productive (sometimes).

The people that write about subjects of their expertise are sometimes expected to follow their own advice and not make any mistakes in these areas. My thought is, “it’s ok to make mistakes, but just don’t repeat them” this applies to everyone and in everything you do. If you have fallen into a habit of repeating your mistakes, and since you’re reading this article, I believe you have decided to do something about it.

So back to this couple, in reading their story it seemed that they harbored feelings of resentment. They went on to talk about how their lives improved after the divorce. Both  expressed feelings of being stifled and rejected while in their relationship. They mentioned compromising too much of themselves. They said in retrospect their differences were obvious, and they ignored the frustration it was causing them. Their differences included; religious beliefs, traveling preferences, child rearing and so on. Do you think their differences were the cause of their divorce?

In situations like this I think the problem isn’t in the differences; the problem is that we see differences in each other, and we don’t accept the other person for their differences.  This puts a huge strain on the relationship. This couple was trying to conform to each other’s wishes not realizing they were giving up a part of themselves in the process.

So let’s start now understanding the dynamics that goes on in this particular situation, and what the possible causes are for the separation. When I speak of separation, I am talking about two people separating on a “feeling” level first. The physical separation is a result of the loss or connection two people once had.

COMPROMISE is the key word here; you can compromise, but don’t compromise yourself. There are different degrees of compromising; you would have to decide what is appropriate for yourself and how much you are willing to compromise to make the relationship work. The person wanting you to compromise should not want you to go beyond your moral, belief and comfort zones, and not expect you to be someone you’re not. That would violate your identity and who you are as a person. Your value and belief system is what makes you special and unique. You need to retain the essence of who you are wherever you go and in all relationships.

Here’s one example of compromising: my ex-wife is currently unemployed and can’t afford to pay for anything concerning my daughters. My daughters live with me full time, and I pay for their clothing, food, piano lessons, etc. My Ex, on the other hand, spends quality time with my girls and drives them where they need to go. I would consider this a compromise. Why? Because I feel satisfied with this arrangement, it’s working for now.

Here’s an example of compromising yourself: let’s say my Ex was abusive to my daughters. She refused to work, and demanded alimony. I did nothing in my defense because I didn’t want to deal with the confrontation, I wanted to, but I was afraid. That would be considered compromising myself and my daughters.

In conclusion, sometimes you just can’t make it work, and instead of beating a dead horse and being a bad example to others, then maybe separating is the best recourse. If you are stubborn and you have a controlling personality, and you’re not willing to change, then good luck. However, if you’re going to try to make this relationship work then remember to communicate your feelings.

Try to catch the problem early, and then decide if you’re both willing to work with your differences. If it’s something small and you are willing to change then remember to maintain your true self, and then go for it, but only if you want to.  The decision has to be yours, and you need to be firm on it.

There’s a chemistry or connection between two people that is unique in a relationship. That includes all relationships, lovers, friends, family and business. We are all unique and we have unique relationships, and that’s what makes life so exciting and special. We see the deference’s and contrast in people and things.  How would it be if every house was panted the same color, you wore the same clothes everyday and “everybody acted the same?”

Good luck!

 

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Conflicting Thoughts-A Helpful Solution

One of our biggest challenges in life is having conflicting thoughts. You may have many conflicting thoughts several times a day and not even be aware of it. Conflicting thoughts can be very detrimental to your relationships, and impede your happiness. Control your thoughts and you will control what happens to you, literally! I am writing this article for reference and informational purposes.  I mention conflicting thoughts in my articles periodically. You will be able to reference back to this article to understand what I’m talking about. This is important for you to comprehend, because when understood and applied, it can change your life.

Thoughts into feelings

You have a thought first which starts the creating process. Your feelings are an interpretation of thoughts. Feelings are signals from your thoughts; they reflect back to you if there is fulfillment (alignment) or conflict (misalignment). When you learn to listen (interpret) what your feelings are saying, you can start manifesting things and people that are benefiting your growth. I will write a separate article on what I call “First Feelings’ so you will understand how to listen to your feelings, and know what they are saying. For now I will focus on thoughts primarily so you’re not overwhelmed.

Understanding How Thoughts Work

Thoughts are magnetic; you attract people and things in your life according to what you’re transmitting (thinking). Every thought you have, has  power behind it. If you have conflicting thoughts; they cancel each other out. That’s why it takes so long for you to get what you want. It would be like running around in circles. Thoughts need direction without an interception (conflicting thoughts).

Thought waves are similar to radio waves, but at a higher frequency and more sophisticated. You can’t see them, but they are everywhere. If we think a certain thought we send it out at a certain frequency. For example: a specific thought you’re sending out might be at 1000 megahertz (megahertz is a unit of measurement). Like attracts like, anything or anyone with a similar vibration, would be attracted to you. In other words, a radio tuned to 97.3 will pick up on the frequency 97.3 megahertz. All the radio station frequencies are all around you, but you only tune into that specific one, which is 97.3. Same with thoughts, what thought or frequency are you tuned into now? It depends on what you are open to, you are the radio-receiving thoughts, and you are the radio station-sending out thoughts. You send out and you receive. Positive thoughts may be thought of as higher frequencies, and negative thoughts are lower frequencies.

*This is a very basic description of thought waves. It gets more involved and much more complicated. You don’t need to know how you attract things and people into your life, unless you want to. All you need to know for now is how to stop the conflict. The details will take care of themselves.

What are conflicting thoughts?

Conflicting thoughts are two thoughts that are out of alignment, or out of sync. If you have a thought: I want to be rich, and in the same breath (so to speak) you think, how’s that possible? That would be considered a conflicting thought. Let’s say your thought “I want to be rich” is vibrating at 2000 megahertz, and your thought of “How’s that possible” is vibrating at 1000 Megahertz.  They both have to be at, or close to the same frequency in order to manifest what you want. In this situation, they are canceling each other out, and so nothing happens. Got it? Another example is: “I want to be rich,” and “I think it’s possible” are closer in frequencies. The chances are greater and manifesting what you want is quicker when the frequencies are closer together. There is a caveat, you can’t fake it; you have to feel it. Words don’t carry any weight, however, feelings do.

Understanding Conflicting Thoughts

Now you know how dangerous you can be to yourself and others. We now know we can’t fake it. Thinking positive is not enough. We have to feel positive.

We either live by default, or we live consciously. Living by default means; we are unconscious of our thoughts, and therefore we create haphazardly. We follow along with someone else’s ideas, thoughts, or advice, without question. It’s almost like going downstream without a paddle. Wherever the current takes you, that’s where you will go.

Living consciously means; we are aware of our thoughts, and we create our lives on purpose. Living by default, or living consciously is never 100%. Living by default you still have some control, while living consciously you have more control.

Not making a decision, going back and forth is a conflicting thought. Imagine a tug of war where both sides are of equal strength. Nobody wins. It’s a stalemate.

The Solution

Rather than trying to monitor your thoughts, I encourage that you simply pay attention to how you are feeling. For if you should choose thoughts that are not in harmony with each other, you will feel the discord; and then you can easily redirect your thought to something that feels better and, therefore, serves you better.

How you feel is the answer; how you feel about yourself (self-esteem) how you feel when something doesn’t feel right, and how you feel when something does feel right. How you feel about yourself will determine how you act and what things, situations and people you attract in your life.

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it, if it feels right, do more of it, simple, but not easy to do. Practice listening to your feelings whenever something doesn’t feel right. Act quickly before the logical mind talks you out of it.

Thanks,

* For detailed information: http://www.psitek.net/pages/PsiTekPMI2.html

 

 

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